Do the People Around You Know How to Support You?
“I just wish I had more support.”
Have you ever thought that?
Maybe you're trying to move more, improve your sleep, change the way you eat, make more time for prayer or reflection, or simply take better care of yourself.
You've decided something needs to change.
But the people around you seem to be carrying on as usual.
Your spouse brings home the foods you're trying to eat less often.
Your friend suggests meeting for dinner when you'd really love someone to walk with.
Your family schedules over the time you had set aside for yourself.
And eventually you think:
Why can't they just support me?
But here's a question worth considering:
Do they know what support actually looks like to you?
Sometimes we want support without ever clearly asking for it.
“Support Me” Isn't Very Specific
Imagine telling someone:
“I really need you to support me in getting healthier.”
What exactly should that person do with that information?
Should they remind you to exercise?
Never mention exercise?
Ask what you're eating?
Definitely NOT ask what you're eating?
Invite you for a walk?
Leave you alone?
Encourage you when you're struggling?
There's no universal definition of support.
What feels wonderfully supportive to one person could feel irritating or intrusive to someone else.
So before asking someone else to support you, start with yourself.
What would support actually look like?
Get specific.
Maybe you'd appreciate your spouse taking a 15-minute walk with you after dinner.
Maybe you'd like your friend to meet you for a walk instead of always meeting over food.
Maybe you'd appreciate someone picking up fruit and vegetables when they're already at the grocery store.
Maybe you'd like your family to respect the hour you've set aside for Bible study, exercise, or another priority.
Maybe you'd simply like your loved ones not to comment on what you're eating.
Specificity gives people an opportunity to actually help us.
Start With What They're Already Doing Right
Before having a conversation about what you want someone to change, look for the bright spots.
How are they already supporting you?
Maybe your spouse cleans up after dinner, which gives you a little more time.
Maybe your friend regularly checks in on you.
Maybe your daughter encourages you to go to your exercise class.
Maybe your family happily eats the healthier dinner you prepare without complaining.
Maybe your friend listens when you've had a difficult week.
Notice those things.
And say thank you.
Starting with appreciation doesn't mean ignoring something that needs to change. It simply means we're looking at the whole picture rather than approaching the conversation with a list of everything someone is doing wrong.
Have the Conversation—Not During the Conflict
Timing matters.
The best time to discuss support probably isn't while you're frustrated, tired, hungry, rushing out the door, or standing in the kitchen arguing over what's for dinner.
Choose a relatively calm time.
Then explain what you're working toward, why it matters to you, and how that person could help.
You might say:
“I've realized that taking a short walk after dinner really helps me feel better and gives me a chance to decompress. I'd love it if you'd walk with me a couple of evenings a week. Would you be willing to do that?”
That's very different from:
“You never want to exercise with me.”
One invites partnership.
The other invites defensiveness.
Talk About What Isn't Helpful, Too
Sometimes support means asking someone to stop doing something.
Maybe someone repeatedly comments on your food.
Maybe they tease you when you make a different choice.
Maybe they keep offering something after you've already declined.
You can communicate that without attacking them.
Instead of:
“You're always criticizing what I eat.”
Try:
“When there are comments about what I'm eating, I notice that I feel discouraged. It would be more helpful to me if we didn't comment on each other's food choices.”
You're talking about a specific behavior and explaining what would be more useful.
That's something another person can understand.
Be Willing to Listen and Compromise
Support is a relationship, not a list of demands.
You get to explain what would help you.
The other person gets to have an opinion about what's reasonable for them.
Maybe you'd love for your spouse to stop bringing ice cream into the house altogether.
Your spouse may say:
“I don't want to do that.”
Okay.
Is there a middle ground?
Maybe you buy a smaller amount.
Maybe it's something they enjoy outside the home.
Maybe you decide that their ice cream can be in the freezer and you'll develop your own strategy around it.
The goal isn't controlling everyone else's behavior so that making healthy choices becomes effortless.
The goal is creating an environment where people understand what you're trying to accomplish and have reasonable opportunities to support you.
Your Health Is Still Your Responsibility
This might be the most important part.
Support matters.
Community matters.
Our environment matters.
But ultimately:
Other people aren't responsible for our choices.
Someone may decline your invitation to walk.
Your spouse may continue eating foods you don't want to eat as often.
Your friends may not understand why something matters so much to you.
You can ask.
You can communicate.
You can negotiate.
You can appreciate the support that's offered.
And then you still get to decide what you're going to do.
That's ownership.
We don't need everyone around us to change before we're allowed to change ourselves.
Who Is in Your Support Circle?
Support doesn't have to come from one person.
In fact, it's probably better if it doesn't.
Think about three places where you could drum up support in your life.
Maybe it's:
Your spouse or family.
A close friend.
Your church.
A women's group.
A walking buddy.
A health coach.
A coworker.
A community or volunteer organization.
Different people may support different parts of your life.
Your spouse doesn't have to be your walking partner, accountability partner, nutrition expert, spiritual mentor, and biggest cheerleader.
Build a circle of support rather than expecting one person to fill every role.
Try This Simple Support Exercise
Choose one goal you're currently working on and answer these questions:
My goal is:
Why does this matter to me?
Who could support me?
Three specific things that would feel supportive are:
How might this change benefit them or our relationship?
What are they already doing that supports me?
Then comes the important part:
Have the conversation.
Don't expect them to read the worksheet—or your mind.
Ask.
Listen.
Be willing to compromise.
And keep communicating as your needs change.
Support Isn't the Same as Rescue
There's a big difference between:
“I can't do this unless everyone around me cooperates.”
and:
“I'm responsible for my choices, and I'm going to intentionally build support around the changes that matter to me.”
The first gives our power away.
The second uses the resources available to us.
And maybe that's the question to sit with this week:
What support would genuinely make my next step easier—and have I actually asked for it?
Don't stop at:
“I need more support.”
Get specific.
Who could support you?
What could they actually do?
What are they already doing well?
And then ask clearly and kindly for what you need.
You might be surprised how willing people are to help once they understand what help actually looks like. 💚
Renew Health & Wellness Coaching
Helping women build consistent, sustainable habits for lifelong wellness—one small step at a time.
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